dwolfhunter: (pic#11239422)
[personal profile] dwolfhunter
Two of my greatest chivalric inspirations are dead...Morguhn and Aradydd were so much the knights I wanted to be. Most of the rest of my heroes and old inspirations are retiring or aging out...and here I sit at fifty three, having authorized in 1978 and having sworn to the fates I would be a knight by the time I had turned 35( I wish someone had just said "Hey Hamish, it's not going to happen...give it up). Still needing , what? Inspiration ? to belong? To serve as a squire? Hah! Never again. I just don't have the heart for it.
So what am I chasing? Why am I still doing this? Gods above and below, I love the competition and I enjoy the comraderie. But are they enough to keep me going at this age? I dunno...I am discouraged and disappointed. I don't CARE about things like I used to. I feel...like I need to feel again.
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